Clothing Foo: A Toddler's guide to Avoiding getting Dressed

Your very first line of defense should be to Run Away, preferably Giggling Hysterically, as this will Disarm your Tormentor. If you are unable to achieve safety in this manner, perform the Drop to the Stomach maneuver. Advanced practitioners of this art may attempt several Variations, depending on which type of Article of Clothing is Forthcoming. These variations are the 1) Roll to the Back and 2) The Head stand (for advanced Practitioners only).

For Pants, the stomach is the safest place. If you are Forced to defend yourself from the Back, remember to kick vigorously, preferably dislodging the Offending Piece of Clothing from your Tormentor's hand. Very clever defenders will Pause Kicking briefly, allow one leg to be Clothed, then, when the Pants are brought up again, catch the Waistband with the Second foot.

For Shirts the best defense is placing the Top of the Head on some Surface. If you are in the Back position, arch to place the Top of the Head on the Floor. From the Stomach, you may attempt the Head stand, although this should never be attempted by Younger Children. If you are Corralled and Forced to a Sitting or Standing position, wrap both Arms around any available limb (Legs work best from standing) and Bury your head in said limb, ensuring that the Top of the Head is not available. If the above Maneuvers Fail, and you are successfully Pinned in the Seated position with no Head Leaning available, a last Resort is to Push Hard and Vigorously with your arms at the offending article as it is put Over your Head. More advanced Practitioners may even be able to Remove said article after it is put over your Head and before your Arms are Pinned inside of it.

Another Method of Removing Clothing is to Spill Food on it. This causes the Tormentor to Remove your Clothes, at which point you can Recommence your Defense.